TOWARD UNDERSTANDING

The purpose of this column is to create a better understanding of homosexual problems through the psychiatric viewpoint.

Dear Dr. Baker,

I note that you are interested in obtaining some data on the less ephemeral type of gay marriage. Perhaps I can oblige.

I have been a partner in a gay marriage for the last eight years. Our relationship is based upon love, and what is equally important, similar interests and abilities. This latter fact has doubtless contributed to the lasting relationship, although it was not planned this way. Love came first. I met my friend while on a 30 day leave from the army and we had a wonderful month together. After I returned from Korea, we set up housekeeping with my mother while I finished my university work and then moved out on our own. Of course my mother had to know of our relationship. While I cannot say that she was delighted, she was not outwardly antagonistic. Currently, due to my mother's advanced age, we are again living under the same roof.

We are both university graduates and professional people, although in entirely different fields. We have many things in common but are far from being Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee. We believe in and practice sexual fidelity and consider it a necessary stone in the foundation of any such permanent relationship. We have our ups and downs but share an underlying conviction of permanence in our relationship.

Circulating to some extent in the gay world, I have the opportunity to observe many homosexuals, of both the single and married variety. I must confess that I know few happily married homosexuals, but that is not to say that I know of no such relationships. It will be obvious that gay marriages have many strikes against them

BLANCHE M. BAKER, M.D., Ph.D.

from the start which range from the reluctance on the part of landladies to rent to two single men to the lack of legal and parental compulsion in the direction of permanence. Gay marriages, therefore, seem to be of a temporary nature in most instances. They are frequently mere infatuations, or if potentially lasting love is involved it is often one-sided. Also we must recognize the numerous opportunities and temptations toward infidelity which destroy both gay and heterosexual marriages but which find the homosexual marriage more vulnerable. Few people realize how easy it is for a homosexual to have extracurricular affairs. Not only are there numerous other homosexuals available, but heterosexually married men can be found in large numbers in any city who are not in the least opposed

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